50 Cent files lawsuit to assure world that he did not, in fact, get penile enhancement surgery

50 Cent is angry about his penis again. The rapper turned actor turned film and TV mogul turned (inverted) rapper again has now found himself, decades into his career, needing to defend his reputation. This time, he’s not fighting off mean verses by rival emcees but a plastic surgeon whose advertisements imply that he’s undergone a penile enhancement procedure.

This news comes to us from Billboard, which explains that 50 filed a lawsuit in federal court last Friday that seeks millions of dollars in damages for the insinuation that he’s had his knob beautified by a doctor. As to how he ended up in this situation: 50 Cent says he took a photo with plastic surgeon Angela Kogan in the past, thinking she was just another regular fan, before learning that she’d used the picture “to promote her Miami plastic surgery practice.”

50 alleges Kogan “engineered an article on the website The Shade Room” that insinuated he “had received penile enhancement.” While the article “did not directly claim that [50 Cent] had the surgery,” it used the photo of him and Kogan “juxtaposed with an image of a faceless male obtaining a penile enhancement procedure, with a euphemistic eggplant emoji covering his exposed groin area.” Because this article and these pictures were shared on social media, 50's lawyers say, he’s had to see “lewd, lascivious, and sexually objectifying comments from members of the public” such as “one that ‘crudely’ said the rapper should be called ‘50 inch.’”

In the words of 50's lawyers—and we recommend pretending you’re hearing these sentences spoken in a hushed courtroom—”[he] never had such a sexual enhancement procedure, he has never received plastic surgery from defendants, and he never consented to the commercialization and publication of the Photo.”

50 Cent wants the image removed from Kogan’s clinic advertisements and millions in damages for the fact that her “actions have exposed Jackson to ridicule, caused substantial damage to his professional and personal reputation, and violated his right to control his name and image.”

This is not the first time 50 Cent has been in the news for stories about his dick. In years past, he experienced a rollercoaster of emotions about his weenie making an accidental appearance in an episode of Power. He also once blamed “excessive masturbation” for making him throw a lousy first pitch at a Mets game and, as evidence of the eternal turmoil visited upon him by his own genitals, shared his personal tips for avoiding the temptations created by the constant sound of the devil dingus’ siren song.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to [e-mail]