Jimmy Kimmel - I’m Fucking Ben Affleck

Jimmy Kimmel: Oh, Hi Sarah. It’s been a long time.

I guess you’ve been…busy with…Matt Damon.

I’ve been busy too.

I’ve been thinking about us, and you and him and, I’m happy for you.

I really am. He’s a great guy. I mean he’s the sexiest man alive.

I found somebody pretty sexy too.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but…

I’m fucking Ben Affleck!

Ben Affleck: He’s fucking Ben Affleck.

Jimmy Kimmel: While you and Matt are swappin’ spit. I said I’m fucking Ben Affleck!

Ben Affleck: He said he’s fucking Ben Affleck. Hey Sarah, he’s got bigger tits.

Jimmy Kimmel: They’re not hairy though, right?

Ben Affleck: No…

Brad Pitt: Excuse me…Is someone here…fucking Ben Affleck?

Jimmy Kimmel: I am! I’m fucking him!

Brad Pitt: Great, sign here.

Jimmy Kimmel: Thank you. [Reads cake] Congratulations on fucking Ben Affleck.

Crowd & Ben: Ahhhh….

Brad Pitt: What did you wish for?

Jimmy Kimmel & Ben Affleck: When we’re together there’s this feeling inside.

It’s like a million butterflies flutterin’ in my behind.

I love the dimples in your chin, I see diamonds in your eyes.

When I’m fucking you Ben Affleck I feel like I can fly.

And our fucking won’t be stopped no matter how hard they try.

Ben Affleck: They can’t stop it.

Jimmy Kimmel: They can’t stop it.

Joan Jett: You won’t tear them apart. You can’t stop this love affair, cause they love f-u-c-k-i-n-g.

Robin Williams: This is not a man crush. He’s fucking our friend Ben.

Don Cheadle: And so we all…we all hope Matt will understand…

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben

Pete Wentz & Dominic Monaghan: Fucking Ben Affleck

Perry Farrell: Yeah, Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.

Everyone: Just like prison.

Macy Gray: He’s fucking Ben…Ben Affleck’s his guy.

Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Oh, it’s through the fucking night and day…

Lance Bass: Just ask Huey!

Cameron Diaz: Okay, I’ll ask him Huey, did you see them fuck at all?

Huey Luis: Yes, I saw them fuck. They were in a bathroom stall.

Josh Groban: Oooohhh ooohhhh oohhh he’s fucking Ben, fucking Ben Affleck. He’s fuuuucking Bennnn!

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben. He’s fucking Ben Affleck!

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison!

Meatloaf & Everyone: He’s fucking Ben. Ben Affleck’s his guy!

Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Do the fucking every way.

Dicky Barrett: Just ask Don Cheadle!

Don Cheadle: Ooohhhh ooohhh ooohhh he’s fucking Ben.

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben Affleck!

[Harrison Ford blows a kiss to Ben and Jimmy]

Everyone: Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.

Christina Applegate & Rebecca Romijn: Just like prison!

Everyone: He’s fucking Ben! Fucking Ben Affleck. Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison. He’s fucking Ben. Ben Affleck’s his guy!

Huey Luis & Cameron Diaz: They’ve been making sweet sweet love, Ben and Jimmy!

Josh Groban: That was pretty fuckin’ good.