Drück die 1 [English translation]

You haven't called the wrong number;

I've just synced my heart up with my phone and my computer.

If you're about to say

that now you're crying over me,

press 1.

If you'd like to ask me

if I'm still mad,

if we can meet up

or start over, or some other BS,

press 2.

If you want to know1

how things are going for me,

or whether I have feelings for you or resent you;

how much I should believe you,

what I think of you now,

and how often something like this happens to me,

press 0!

If you want to know2 where your stuff is,

if you can sleep here

since you don't know where to go,

or if I should pick you up at the police station,

press 4.

If you've got problems

with your new girlfriend,

if your cash is all spent,

if your hair's gone gray,

if loneliness is bothering you,

press 8.

If you'd like to do me a favor

and spare my nerves,

then just press the key with the little red phone!

1. Literally: If you need help with the question2. This line was skipped by the contributor: Wenn du nur wissen willst