Поездка в город [Poezdka v gorod] [English translation]

I am the most sober of all sober men:

I have moral fibers, I’m gritty.

So, I was elected by most of my kin,

Who gave me a list on eight pages to keep,

And sent me to shop the big city.

Both my sister and my aunt

Want to have a faux fur coat,

And my brother yearns for coffee on his table.

Son-in-law did ask for roe,

Wife was yelling to buy more,

And her dad demanded brandy with nice labels.

I’m wounded, shell-shocked and a little afraid,

Forgetful of things asked in writing.

I’ve learned off by heart all my shopping requests

And hid all my cash in the lining.

So, my brother needs a coat

For my aunt – a coffee pot.

My wife’s dad instructed: “Buy in bulk, you got it?”

Son-in-law eats squirrel roe

Wife’s obsessive with faux fur

And godfathers will suffice with rum or vodka.

I bumped many backs and I stomped many toes,

I barreled my way through their rear.

To save my long list from the capture by foes,

I swallowed it whole with no fear.

Keep in mind: a pot for aunts,

Wife is happy with fur cloth,

And that dad of hers drinks vodka that is branded.

For godfathers: all you want,

Son-in-law gets rabbits paws,

Sisters wanted something pretty; that is handy!

So will I return carrying nothing but bags?

Yet soon shopping quarters were found.

“What currency do you possess?” – I was asked.

“Don’t worry,” – I said. “It’s not pounds.”

"So, a coffee pot with fur,

Son-in-law will work for roe,

And godfathers are not happy when they’re sober!

Aunts have sided with my bro:

He drinks wine until no more.

And for me this ugly yellow in the saucer!"

I can’t recall dollars, the sterlings of words,

I’m struck by the stark understanding:

What for I’ve been spilling my blood all along?

What for I’ve been eating this list that’s so long?

And why I keep cash in the lining?

Still, I need an instant pot,

Plus some booze for this old dolt,

And my brother could drink hooch until he wobbles.

Where to buy a fax fur aunt,

Vodka-flavored sugar coat?

And godfathers should be happy with two bottles.